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THE
MOTHER AND DAUGHTER EXPECTANT
A
mother and her daughter were at the
gynecologist's office. The mother asked
the doctor to examine her daughter.
"She has been having some strange
symptoms and I'm worried about
her," the mother said.
The doctor examined the daughter
carefully and then announced,
"Madam, I believe your daughter is
pregnant."
The mother gasped, "That's
nonsense! Why, my little girl has
nothing whatsoever to do with men."
She turned to the girl. "You don't,
do you, dear?"
"No, mumsy," said the girl.
"Why, you know that I have never so
much as kissed a man!" The doctor
looked from mother to daughter, and back
again. Then, silently he stood up and
walked to the window, staring out.
He continued staring until the mother
felt compelled to ask, "Doctor, is
there something wrong out there?"
"No, Madam," said the doctor.
"It's just that the last time
anything like this happened, a star
appeared in the East and I was looking
to see if another one was going to show
up."
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PHYSICAL
EXAMINATION
A
young man goes to a doctor for a
physical examination. When he gets into
the room, the man strips for his exam.
He has a dick the size of a little kid's
little finger. A nurse standing in the
room sees his little dick and begins to
laugh hysterically.
The young man gives her a stern look and
say, "You shouldn't laugh, it's
been swollen like that for two weeks
now!"
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BIRTH
CONTROL PILLS!
An
elderly woman went into the doctor's
office. When the doctor asked why she
was there, she replied, "I'd like
to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a
minute and then said, "Excuse me,
Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old.
What possible use could you have for
birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me
sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and
continued, "How in the world do
birth control pills help you to
sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my
granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep
better at night."
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WILL
IT HURT MUCH, DOCTOR?
A
woman goes to her doctor who verifies
that she is pregnant. This is her first
pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she
has any questions. She replies,
"Well, I'm a little worried about
the pain. How much will childbirth
hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that
varies from woman to woman and pregnancy
to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult
to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some
idea?" she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it
out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your
head!"
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AFTER
EFFECTS
"How
did it happen?" the doctor asked
the middle-aged farmhand as he set the
man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how
you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25 years ago,
when I first started working on the
farm, that night, right after I'd gone
to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter
came into my room. She asked me if there
was anything I wanted. I said, "No,
everything is fine."
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"I'm sure," I said.
"Isn't there anything I can do for
you?" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not," I replied.
"Excuse me," said the doctor,
"What does this story have to do
with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the
farmhand explained, "when it dawned
on me what she meant, I fell off the
roof!"
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